


Vacancy

by lynsbit



Category: Tiger & Bunny
Genre: Alcoholism, Coping, M/M, sex addict
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 23:12:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5434382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lynsbit/pseuds/lynsbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alcohol wasn't enough to help Kotetsu, so he found another way to numb his depression.<br/>Barnaby notices and doesn't like it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vacancy

The vacancy sign was lit up, blinking every now and then. It's red glow was somehow comforting and helped ease some of Kotetsu's anxiety. Sure, this was a routine thing, but it always left him with an ugly feeling in his chest. 

He and another man were walking, the other man leading him to a cruddy door with a metal number 66 hanging crookedly on it.

As the man unlocked the door, Kotetsu took in a deep breath and let it out, watching the fog from his mouth fade away into the dark, starless sky.

"You ready?" The man with him asked with an unnervingly sweet tone, one Kotetsu was used to at this point. 

"Mm." Kotetsu answered as he stuck his hands in his coat pockets and followed, closing the door behind them and locking it.

•••

"Kotetsu-san, are you alright?" Barnaby had asked suddenly, jarring an unfocused Kotetsu from his trance. 

Kotetsu blinked a few times to moisten his eyes, raising his head from his hand, which was rested on the desk in front of him. "Yeah yeah," he grinned sleepily. "Why?" 

Barnaby hesitated for a moment and furrowed his eyebrow. "You were staring at nothing for about five minutes now..." He titled his head slightly and adjusted his glasses, then leaned in, making Kotetsu lean back. "Are you tired?" He asked suspiciously. "You have dark circles under your eyes." He paused. "Did you stay up drinking again?" His voice was laced with mostly irritation, rather than concern.

"Hai." Kotetsu swatted a hand dismissively and turned in his chair, giving Barnaby a sideways glance. "Don't worry about it, I'll get back to work. Sorry I zoned out." He began working, ignoring the perplexed look he got. 

•••

It was another night at the same motel, but with a different man. 

"You okay?" The man of the night asked from above Kotetsu, raising an eyebrow at him. A lack of concern and a fair amount of aggravation was in his tone, which gave Kotetsu a feeling of an irony. 

"No, but you don't care."

•••

"Kotetsu-San, are you alright?" Barnaby asked, having noticed the bags under Kotetsu's eyes had darkened. 

Kotetsu didn't move from his slumped position over his keyboard except for his eyes, which looked over at Barnaby with a slowness that could only equal fatigue. "Yeah." He mumbled, yawning as he rubbed his eyes and stretched. "'M gonna go get some joe." With another yawn he lumbered to the break room with Barnaby trailing after him while wearing an unreadable expression. Kotetsu figured it was probably irritation, looking over at Barnaby from the top of his mug. 

"Why are you so fatigued recently?" Barnaby asked, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes narrowed.

Kotetsu took a long drink, enjoying the way the scorching coffee burned the inside of his mouth. He pulled the mug away from his lips and licked them slowly, missing a peculiar glint in Barnaby's eyes. "I dunno. Work?" His eyes leveled to something else, then back to Barnaby. He took another drink, his amber eyes digging to Barnaby's jade ones, burning them with their intensity.

Barnaby's shoulders dropped a little and he frowned. "I'm worried about you. For the past couple of weeks you've been sluggish and you've accomplished almost nothing!" 

A faint smile quirked Kotetsu's lips up, but dropped almost immediately. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were worried about me." He chuckled dryly and set his empty mug in the sink. He dusted his hands off and walked past Barnaby, stopping when he was a few inches behind him. "I'll get back to work, sorry to drag you down." He said, then continued walking.

Barnaby watched as he walked away and clutched at his chest, bothered by the tight feeling coiling up in it. "I am worried, Kotetsu." He whispered to his retreating form, then sighed and followed, deciding to start on work- which Kotetsu was already doing, using a blank expression as he stared at his computer screen, his fingers dancing away at the keyboard.

•••

It two few nights until Kotetsu was back at the motel. He was in the same room and had the same empty feeling that accompanied it. 

He was on his knees, a position he'd learned to expect. He worked silently and quickly and was demoted to his hands and knees, then blinded with a black cloth. It used to terrify him. Now it didn't bother whether he could see or not.

By the end of the night Kotetsu was $100 richer and far more numb. 

He had a limp as he walked home in the dark, the thin jacket over him being the only thing keeping him from freezing. Snow fell around him and swirled, making him feel like a figurine in a giant snow globe.

'If only.'

•••

"Kotetsu-san, I-" 

"I'm fine." Kotetsu interrupted, making Barnaby snap his mouth shut and blink, an incredulous frown on his face. "Don't ask again." He returned his focus to his computer, his eyes sharp.

Barnaby's eyebrows furrowed and he bit on the is die of his cheek, but nodded and went back to his own work, focusing on Kotetsu the entire time. 

•••

"I don't know what to do." Barnaby murmured, raking a hand through his tangled blonde locks, raising his eyes to his therapist, who he'd gotten after the incident with Maverick, encouraging him to continue.   
"Kotetsu's so... Different..." Barnaby continued, sighing. "Something happened. He used to be so goofy, so hopeful. Seeing him smile was the only thing that got me through all the turmoil in my life- I can't stand seeing him so... Weird." 

His therapist hummed. "Define weird."

"Distant? The light, the excitement in his eyes that used to be there is gone. His eyes are so dull now... And his smile isn't genuine... He's spacing out all the time, he's got dark circles under his eyes, and he looks so... Unaffected by everything!" 

The therapist nodded. "How long has he been like this?"

"A month. It progressively got worse." 

"What couldn't triggered it?"

Barnaby looked down at his hands and shook his head. "I'm not sure... He says I'm his best friend, but he doesn't tell me anything about himself." He closed his eyes and fought the urge to let himself tear up. "It makes me so angry... I care about him so much and he won't let me help him..." Wetness prickled his eyes. "Why?! Why does he do that? Why doesn't tell me?! I want to help him! He's done so much for me, and he won't let me do it for him! I'm so worried, he's not the Kotetsu-San I've grown to admire." He wiped at his eyes.

His therapist handed him some tissues and nodded in understanding. "His behavior you've described recently is depression. However the reason behind his hidden emotions is probably a coping mechanism. A lot of people do it to keep people from hurting them." She paused, having remembered some of the things Barnaby had told her before on previous appointments. "They also do it because they don't want to affect other people, they're too considerate. They don't want to be a burden. It seems like he's been dealing with depression for a while. You've told me he lost his wife a few years ago- that probably started it. You also said he drank beer? Alcohol is one of the most common coping skills. Perhaps his depression has escalated recently and alcohol isn't enough anymore." She jotted down some notes and pushed free strands of hair out of her face and tucked them behind her ear. "Has he been doing anything odd? You know, outside of work?"

Barnaby shook his head. "Every time I ask him to hang out, he makes an excuse. I quit asking because he'd continuously reject me..."

"Maybe follow him." She sighed and let out a restrained laugh. "I don't condone stalking, but there may be something else he's doing to cope, something dangerous. If you're that worried you'll keep being worried if you don't find out what's going on. It seems talking to him won't solve anything." She looked at Barnaby and offered a gentle smile. "I know you care about him and I know he doesn't seem like it, but he needs you. Be there for him- he doesn't have anyone else."

•••

Kotetsu closed his eyes when he stepped out of work and stood outside the entrance, letting snowflakes dance across and nip at his face. The chill didn't affect him the way he wanted, so he continued to the motel. 

It was a good distance away, but he enjoyed the walk. He liked being by himself, liked hearing his thoughts; even if he didn't have any.

"You're early." The man waiting for him said, grinning predatorily, obviously pleased. "Not that I'm complaining, I just get more time with you." He draped an arm around Kotetsu's lack shoulders and guided him to the same door as usual. He began unlocking it, but was startled by a sudden voice.

"KOTETSU-SAN!" Barnaby's voice rang off the walls and bounced inside Kotetsu's head, making him freeze. 

"Barnaby?" He asked, squinting at the running person coming at them.

When he got to them, Barnaby stopped, staring at the scene as he painted, his jade eyes going back and forth between Kotetsu and the man whose arm was draped around him. "Wha... What?" His eyebrows furrowed, his body relaxing from the running stance he had. "What's going on?" 

Kotetsu averted his eyes and stared down at the snow speckled pavement below him. "It's pretty obvious-"

"Is this what you've been doing?! Is this why you've blew me off?" Barnaby shouted, making Kotetsu look up. "What, you have to get fucked in order to feel better? You can't talk to your best friend?! What the fuck does this bastard have that I don't?" His teeth were bared and hot tears trickled down his cheeks. "Why can't you trust me? Why can't you talk to me?! I want to help you, and yet you do this!" He ripped off his glasses and wiped his face with the back of his hand. "Damn it Kotetsu, I love you and... And you can't even talk to me?" His eyes searched Kotetsu's, looking for something. Anything.

Kotetsu, however, just stared back with emptiness, nothing on his face. "You're right." He shrugged off the guy's arm and straightened up his shirt, picking off the lint. "I can't talk to you." He put his hands in his pockets and started walking in the other direction, his eyes trained straight ahead. "Sorry, James. We'll have to reschedule." He muttered, looking over his shoulder. 

•••

When he got home Kotetsu went to his shower and turned on the water, watching it run as he stripped off his clothes. When it was warm enough he got in and let the burning water pour down on him. 

When he was done and dried off he stared at his expression in the mirror before drying off. 

He heard his doorbell ring, but ignored it and put on a pair of boxers and shirt. Kotetsu ambled to his bed and crawled in. He patted his nightstand until he found a prescription bottle. He unscrewed it and poured out all the pills. After staring at them in the dimly lit darkness he put all but two back. He swallowed the two and tucked himself in, enveloping himself in warmth he felt he didn't deserve.

•••

Kotetsu woke up around noon, thankfully on a day off. Though he didn't care if it wasn't. 

He brushed his teeth and washed his face and left out dressing or taking a shower. 

He dug around in his fridge and retrieved a beer and chugged it as soon as it was open. 

Because he didn't want it cluttering up his front door, Kotetsu opened it and planned to get the newspaper, but stopped opening it when he saw Barnaby leaning against it. The man was freezing, his nose was bright red and his skin was paler than normal. He was only wearing a jacket. 

"H-hey Kotetsu-san." He greeted weakly, smiling up at the baffled man. Kotetsu immediately dragged him inside.

"What the Hell were you doing?!" Kotetsu demanded, frantically guiding Barnaby to his couch, then wrapped him in covers, which he ripped off his bed. "You could've gotten sick you moron!" He exclaimed, his hands on Barnaby's shoulders, pushing him down to sit.

Barnaby simply smiled. "I needed you to talk to me, and I waited until you wanted to." He closed his eyes. "I'm so happy to see you with color in your face, with feelings." He took a shaky breath. "God. I thought... I thought I lost you forever..." 

Kotetsu stared down at him and a warmth grew in his stomach, something he'd forgotten. Something that made him happy. Something that was the best feeling imaginable. "Barnaby..."

Barnaby looked up, a determined expression on his face. "Please don't see anyone else at that motel. Please. You don't need them." 

Kotetsu scoffed, moving his eyes away from Barnaby's. "You don't understand anything."

Barnaby stood up and put his hands on Kotetsu's face, holding it. His freezing hands heated by Kotetsu's warmth. "You're so warm. You've been so cold..." He smiled again, his eyes twinkling. "I did this to you. They can't. They can't make you feel happy." He rubbed his thumbs across Kotetsu's cheeks. "Please accept that. Please let me and me alone make you happy." 

He was surprised when he felt moisture meet his thumbs. He blinked and looked at Kotetsu, shocked to see tears pouring out his eyes. Kotetsu let out a choked sob as he clutched at Barnaby's arms. His knees gave away and he dropped, Barnaby following him. He put his head on Barnaby's neck and cried.

He cried for every night he rejected Barnaby, every night he slept with another man, every smile he faked, every second of his life turning down the only happiness in his life.

And Barnaby held him.


End file.
